I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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