yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize