I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
