I'm lost and stupid without you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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