in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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