I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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