Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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