I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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