I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
