all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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