I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
