it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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