I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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