When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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