and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's get the cat blown out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize