Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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