There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
