garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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