so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
