after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
