I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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