I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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