Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
