We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
