The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
