theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
