I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize