Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
