you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is my gift to your gina
Randomize