i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
