I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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