but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
