idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
