i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
pray to the hookup gods
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
