My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
