Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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