That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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