all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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