I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
