When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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