I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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