Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize