What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
