ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
