Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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