My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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