actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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