direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
