No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
