I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
