no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
