shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
