did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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