I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
