I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
