hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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