Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
