just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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