My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
