Please, let me fuck your mom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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