Your face is a jimmy john
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
