I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
