I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
