I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
