Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
