so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
