two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
