planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
