Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
