my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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