plz talk dirty to me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize