now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
