I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
