I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pooping to opera.
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