The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
