Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
