I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
