Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
