For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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