I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize