Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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