Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
