If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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