wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
