ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
