I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
