And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
