and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
