When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
