naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
